Minutes of Emergency Meeting of Eden District Council the Town Hall Penrith 6.45pm 11th October 2018
( Keep Penrith Special version )
6.40pm Irritant Bloke stands up saying he is more representative than us unelected Councillors and that he wants to make a statement on behalf of 2,000 people who have gone online after having swallowed his propaganda (KPS).
Chair bangs gavel time, time, and time again. We all say it’s not democratic to make a protest like that. Brave Councillor approaches the Irritant and tells him that he intends to call the police. Irritant sits down and shuts up after saying he will give his statement after the meeting – We all mutter – ‘You do than then’.
6.45 on the dot.
Bang of gavel.
Apologies from the Leader and other Masters of the Masterplan who were either too scared or couldn’t be bothered to turn up as well as a few others. Important we rattle though this tonight, do you know the Eden District Development Portfolio Holder (EDDPH) nearly missed drinks last time there was a Scrutiny Committee ( the joke is in the name ) boy was he mad that the Irritant had nearly caused him to be late.
Anyway the Chair asks the EDDPH to propose the motion. He said a surprising thing, ‘that all Councillors could read and therefore he didn’t need to read the motion’. Despite being patently untrue that was agreed.
The EDDPH then spent 10 minutes congratulating himself on the plan being out, in that under his leadership it had taken an inordinate length of time and that he was glad to see the back of it.
Various Councillors congratulated him which was quite right. A few serfs in the Planning Department were thanked as were some Councillors. They all said it had taken so long they hadn’t got a clue what was in or out of the document. The Head Planner said that was exactly as planned and that it was really impossible for Councillors to know what was in or out due to all the
scored through lines. But never mind he promised to bring a clean copy at some stage after he had made any ‘minor corrections’ needed.
Councillors were challenged by the need to be seated before they asked a question, by the need to press a button to ask a question, then another when called and then to stand up and then to ask their question to the Masters and then to sit down and turn their mike off whilst the fob off is given. It’s a dastardly thing this. Good thing they will never ever manage it. That should learn them from asking impertinent questions, well except Eyles!
Councillor from Appleby questioned EDC plan to build on the town’s sledging field. Honestly it’s like the Beacon, the landowner should be able to build on their land. What a whinge! Cheek – the public applauded her, but we told her it wasn’t our fault as we just had to make sure there was enough land allocated. She said OK.
We had to explain to the idiot members of the public who attended, concerned about the Masterplan, that this Local Plan is different. It’s obviously different it’s got a different name, ‘Masterplan’ and ‘Local Plan’, how dim are the people of Eden. Well pretty dim we think, only 34 of them said anything about New Squares, we are also very rude about their skills in the Masterplan. They won’t notice, they read even less than we do! Anyway it’s obviously different, the years from 2034 to 2050 feature only in the Masterplan. if it was the same we wouldn’t have to go through lots of hoo-hah stuffing the Local plan with the Masterplan. But that’s what we have got to do, and sharpish.
We then asked the sheep to vote. Everyone in favour , one abstain and one against. Eyles against and one abstention that was Lynch. Do you know we think in the Tory party here, that’s exactly what should happen to Mr Lynch. Darned traitor. Who does he think he thinks he is? There is no room for independent thought here in our Local Tory party, it’s follow the Leader or else. Anyway thank goodness that Lib-Dem councillor voted for the adoption.
The Monitoring Officer got a bit over excited at this moment. He hates the Irritant so much it’s really not true, that impertinent man keeps asking our lawyer to follow the rules. The twat doesn’t realise rules apply to others not us and certainly not lawyers. Good to see the Irritant defeated!
Close of business and off to drinks.
But then the Irritant starts to make that statement, we say ‘not here there is a meeting going on here’. He says ‘no problem’ moves out onto the landing. He then starts. Our brave CEO and the Monitoring Officer interrupt him, ‘You must all leave the building’, The public say it’s our Town Hall. We say it isn’t, it’s the Council’s.
The Irritant moves downstairs and starts again. The so called public, ‘rent a crowd’ more like, refuse to leave until he has finished. That’s enough. We warned them, we did, so we call the Police. Do you know the Police did nothing! That’s England these days. The police they won’t do anything to uphold democracy and the establishment. You can read examples every day in the Mail. Outrageous!
Legal Opinion: Woefully inadequate consultation.
WHAT DO THEY MEAN? THE NEW ENGLISH DICTIONARY (EDEN DISTRICT EDITION 2018) SHOULD HELP YOU WORK IT OUT.